When someone who barely know you descibes your mistakes in detils, you could consider it as two things, a slap in your face or a downfall. A slap, as in a reminder that you have to introspect, that maybe somehow you are not doing a great job after all. Or a downfall, as in you will be fired in three months.
In all my entire life, I have never been fired before. When I have to end a working period, it's me quitting. Not fired. Well, most people said there will always be a first time. I never thought mine will be this close.
Status quo, gue belom dipecat sih. Tapi keputusan untuk memberi waktu tiga bulan lagi sebelum re-evaluating memang membuat gue sedikit syok. Terlebih lagi, kecepatan penyebaran gosip di kantor ini yang lebih cepat daripada penyebaran flu babi di Australia memang sedikit menyebalkan. Right now, when I see people, all I can think of is, "They knew it before I did," and "They all feel so sorry for me," and "What the F, lets throw a pity-party for me,"... snap!
Yang gue rasakan sekarang, gue sedang menimbang-nimbang kemungkinan. Kemungkinan kalau gue bisa bertahan disini, atau kemungkinan gue mencari pekerjaan lagi. Kemungkinan gue menjadi salah satu dari ribuan orang yang berjibaku berebut lahan penghasilan di negeri ini *hayahhh*, and I feel like I don't have enough amo for that right now. Tapi kalo dipikir lagi, emang ada orang yang siap jadi pengangguran? hmmm..
Things are getting out of hands for me right now. People are telling me, "Don't stress out!" tapi malah bikin gue jadi makin kacau. "Jangan dipikirin," malah bikin gue makin ngga bisa tidur. "Kerja aja sebaik-baiknya tiga bulan ini," malah bikin gue jadi nggak fokus. I'm losing grip here.
Terus gue mulai membuka-buka lagi semua account di website nyari-nyari kerja. Jobstreet, jobsdb, you name it. Meng-update resume online, ngedit CV yang udah setahun disimpen aja di flashdisc. Man, I just realize that it was so exhousted! Physically and mentally. *Especially if you do it during deadline, hahaa*
Tiba-tiba, ditengah semua kegiatan menyebalkan itu, gue pengen ketawa keras-keras. Ada perasaan geli kaya dikitik-kitik yang gue sendiri ngga tau apa penyebabnya. It's funny because it's weird!
Life has an awkward sense of humour. It's like when you really really wanna cry, but you laugh instead, just to show poeple that you're strong. Funny.
Cheers,
-ajeng-
